Rachel Weinstein
April 5, 2011
English 103
Breathe, Eyes, Memory Continuation
It was hard to return home without thinking about my mother. The plane flight seemed long and never ending. It seemed like it was a dream. I finally arrived home. Marc went home and said if I needed anything I could always call. Joseph was home with Briggite; it felt like forever since I held her. Her soft skin felt comforting and warm against mine. I missed her so much. I sat with Brigitte at the window and looked up at the night sky. It was a cold and silent night without a cloud in the sky. It made me think of my childhood and everything that has happened to make me the person I am today. Joseph made me my favorite meal for dinner. I decided it had been a long day and I needed sleep. Joseph took care of Brigitte and sent me on my way to bed. It took me a while to fall asleep that night. I wanted to know if my mother was trying to kill herself or the child inside her. After thinking for what seemed to be hours I finally drifted off to sleep.
The nightmares stopped when I got back from Haiti. I started to see how the therapy had been helping me. Even things with Joseph were beginning to get better. When he made love to me it was not difficult. I finally felt like things were starting to heal and I was dealing with putting the testing into the past. I got to focus on the connection with him. It seemed that since my mother had passed I was more focused on the future than a past.
I walked up to Joseph and told him I had news. He looked nervous but I assured him it was nothing to worry about. “I’m pregnant”, I said.
“Sophie, really! Wow I am so excited. We will have two children now!” Joseph said with excitement, you could tell he could not be happier. I was excited for Brigitte because she was going to have a sibling. I had to tell Tante Atie and grandmother about the pregnancy so I sent them a cassette. It felt good talking to them. It was like I was there in Haiti talking to them on their front porch. I hadn’t thought about Haiti for a while. I missed it though, the nights with my aunt and grandmother; the comfort they brought me and the memories will always be with me.
My grandmother and Tante Atie were so happy to hear the news. Atie said grandmother is preparing her funeral still and was still taking care of all the details. I could still tell Tante Atie was still upset about Louise leaving. She said she had not heard from her yet and that she misses me a lot.
I noticed I was starting to get larger because of the baby. I had started to become more self conscious about myself again and wanted nothing more than the baby to be healthy and out of me.
The days went by slowly, and my delivery date passed by days ago. I thought the baby was never going to come. It seemed as if it did not want to leave my body. “Joseph when will this baby come?” I nervously asked.
“Sophie, any day. I can feel it, I know it is coming soon” He assured me.
“I hope so. This pregnancy has felt like forever.” I said. I liked to talk to Joseph; he always knew exactly what to say. That night I woke up with a sharp piercing pain in my stomach. It was time. The baby was on its way.
“Ahhh Joseph wake up! Wake up!” I shook him awake. “The baby is coming. I’m going into labor!” Joseph jumped out of bed and went to take care of Brigitte. I walked out to the car and waited for him to come out with Brigitte. The pain was unbearable and it was only getting worse. When we got to the hospital it did not take long for the baby to be delivered. I screamed and endured such pain. The doctor almost had to operate a C section, but thankfully he decided not to.
Jossue was born at 2:13 on Saturday morning. He was 8 pounds 4 ounces, and a beautiful baby boy. I was exhausted after the delivery and only wanted to hold my son. He looked just like Joseph. Brigitte met her brother and they looked identical. This was my family now, and I was a mother and a wife. We finally got to go home the next morning with our two children. I slept for hours and woke up rested and excited. I was excited to hold my two babies, but even more excited to tell my grandmother and Atie about Jossue. I sent them a cassette with all the details of the birth and my best wishes to everyone back in Haiti.
Tante Atie sent back a cassette but it was one that I could not listen to the whole way through. Tante Atie informed me that grandmother passed away in her sleep. She said she found her Saturday morning in her bed. My heart stopped on the night of my baby’s birth my grandmother had passed away. I could not feel my body. My grandmother was flashing before my eyes, all the stories she told me, and all the advice she gave me. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. The woman who raised me and taught me everything I know was gone forever. I would not be able to ever see her again.
I needed to go back to Haiti to see my Tante Atie and to put my grandmother to rest. I had to do this to conclude my farewell and be at peace with everything. I was going back to Haiti where I was born and where all my memories were mad. It was hard to say goodbye to Joseph, Brigitte and Jossue but it was something that I had to do. Luckily I had a supportive husband who knew I had to leave. Joseph understood that I needed to leave, but he knew I would be back soon.
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